No one really told me
One of my daughters very first friends, was a little gray elephant, attached to a pacifier. I named all of her “friends” before she could, and this one’s name was Ginny. Through the years, Ginny has had so many adventures. She was an absolute staple for us at bedtime. But as my daughter got older, we made a rule, that Ginny was not allowed to leave the bed until she lost her pacifier. Unless for road trips, of course. When Gin did shed her pacifier, her life really began! My daughter needed this best friend with her at all times. One time, Ginny jumped out of the stroller, and grandma had to run to the Ginny store, where she was just getting cleaned up. Another time, while far far from home, Ginny rode inside Aria’s lifejacket for the first time, while on a paddle boat, and was so excited, that she leaned in for a closer look, and, whoops! After sending out a rescue party, another friend of Aria’s picked her up out of the water, and brought her to the nearest Ginny store, so she could get all cleaned up again. There were many tearful nights where Ginny, while also sad, had to visit the spa, instead of sleep in Aria’s arms. But she would be back before my girl opened her eyes. Many spa days were also sewing days for mom! She has had many stains and stitches, and has never looked less beautiful to my girl, with any of them. After Aria’s dad died, it became incredibly important that I continued to keep Aria and her best friend safely together. Ginny was included in road trips, in board games, in hiding from tornados. Where Aria was, Ginny had to be. I would hear Aria saying prayers, and giggling with Ginny at night, before she would fall asleep. These were the sweetest sounds, which could soothe a tired mama’s heart. Knowing that she had a friend that she could cuddle and confide in. In the last few years, our lives have gotten busy. My daughter has made so many new friends. She has found so many new things to play with. She has grown and changed. Lately, with our schedule, she prefers to sleep in my room. As I just got to some well-forgotten laundry in her room, I found Ginny, snuggled and seemingly forgotten. I had forgotten too. Amidst the chaos, we had left her behind. We had unknowingly let go. Our lives move so unbelievably fast. I think I write most about this very topic: letting go. You would think this would be an easy thing that I am much better at navigating now after having to, constantly. But I struggle with every moment of letting go. I worry how clingy and overprotective is too clingy and overprotective. I worry about which new friends are okay new friends and what activities that I am not involved in I more so should be. What level of “letting go” is appropriate for which age? I don’t ever want to let go. So here I sit, with our old pal. No one ever told me how hard it would be to say goodbye. She’ll go to a safe spot, somewhere for her to stay neat and clean, until Aria wants her back, or has her own little boy or girl to love on our Gin. But knowing how easily she slipped out of our ordinary, how quickly our lives continued to move without the panic of misplacing her before bedtime and having Ginny say our nightly prayers so Aria didn’t have to, or Aria being the only one who could speak and understand Ginny’s language, how badly it would hit me on a random day. I’m still so grateful that my girl had a (few) Ginny(s) in her first, and her hardest years, exactly when we both needed her. Those sweet memories, I pray, will never fade.
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